I Can’t Sleep But I Can…

It’s 5 am on a Saturday morning, and while I could be snug as a bug in a rug, in my comfy bed, I am wide-awake, drinking coffee and sitting at my computer (working). For the last several years, going on 10, I have had difficulty sleeping through the night. Personally, falling asleep is easy for me but it’s staying asleep that disrupts me from relaxing and turning off my brain sensors. I keep hearing that little voice that tells me it is OK to get up and get my day started. For me that is updating the many websites I am maintaining as well as reading through email and posts on Facebook. In the meantime, I know I am depleting my mind and body of the necessary rest I need.

Knowing what I am doing and making the necessary changes that may benefit me are not always in harmony with each other.

I think I was a teenager when I realized I wanted to do something special in my life. I had this deep-seated desire to write, communicate, and listen. However, my father and brothers were considered the writers in the family. Whether it was prose or an oratory piece I sensed I was not good enough and so I stopped trying to learn and achieve. When it came to communication, I saw myself on TV like Betty Furness and eventually Jane Pauley. However, in the late 60s and early 70s, my parents tried to steer me away from those dreams. I put it all on the back burner but whenever possible I used my education and my desire in every aspect of my life through jobs as well as volunteerism. Those dreams simmered, I never extinguished the flame, and today the light shines for me.

My parents also taught me to keep my ambitions even though they may not believe in or support them. I am still engaged in moving forward therefore waking up at 5 am on a Saturday morning can be exciting for me. This is my time when the rest of the household is still asleep that my creative juices get energized. It is the wee hours of the morning when I am my own critic and cheerleader. And so, I write…